The Feminine is raging, roaring from her fiery all embracing heart and her dark vagina, it is enough!

It is correlated with many small awakenings in private lives of people when the last drop in the chalice activated the whole domino of unpredictable, life changing events. We are also there as a human race. An avalanche of natural disasters will be starting within next 20 years if we don’t awake to the deep understanding of interconnectedness and the personal responsibilities we carry with each decision every day. A daily consideration like a mantra coming back with every step: Do I contribute to destruction of the Earth and the human race or I am choosing another way?

Plastic bags and straws, flying, single use items, fashion, farm industrial food, buying from companies creating Earth’s destruction, child labour in Asian countries producing new clothes and the next gadgets for us, daily rape of cows and taking away their babies for our ice creams, milk,cheese and yoghurts, slaughtering and cruel killing for our piece of steak and chicken on a plate, vacations to far destinations overriding local economies, leaving trash behind, and many more examples.

How do I encage the feminine in relationships?

I belittle love with my fear and insecurities, asking for vows and promises I will break, settling for less than my heart truly desires. Do I believe and trust the power of love? I failed love many times and I was betrayed by people many times as well. Starting with parents, how many times they didn’t live up to the unconditional love they promised with the act of a conception? How many times did I go into shallow sexual exploration allowing for my heart’s disconnection out of fear of being hurt afterwards? How many times was I thinking: Let’s play safe and keep love at a safe bay for a stable relationship or a marriage? Let’s keep my delicate heart available only for special, safe connections when I can demand and restrict possibilities of being hurt. When finally I have the One anchored in my bay, I needed to catch him, make sure that he will only love me, thinking in my arrogance that I can rule love, grab and encage by promises and unspoken agreements. Though I forgot in my blindness out of madness brought by fear that if I encage love, either it breaks free and shows me the true power of raw love or if it is still a weak flame, it will die and slip into a dull, comfortable and safe, little life. This is how I and others have developed a zombie world.

“Winter is coming” as John Snow says and bigger danger with it… Zombies.

It is a great metaphor of our unauthentic, fearful life where we sacrifice our deep dreams and heart wishes not believing it is possible to live up to them. And we are right. It is not doable in present societies which promote the zombie life. Life that is disconnected from free, sexual, heart connected flow that is sacred communication between free heart, open mind, spiritual, embodied people. We are afraid of power of sacred lust as we misused this force so many times in patriarchy, not recognising its true value and not being able to humble ourselves in front of this great mystery.

Our main sin is our arrogance.

And it does put the feminine in rage! We think that we know the answers. While this knowing led us mainly to the edge of a life’s destruction. Almost half of animal species are gone out of this planet. And yet, we can not admit how blind and ignorant we are.

While we can not humble ourselves, she is raging, putting us to our very knees with her fierce roar of sacred destruction, showing the fragility of our human nature right into our face.

We do urgently need to humble ourselves, stating that we do not know the way, we are lost, we are sorry for all the mess we have created on this beautiful planet, misusing what was given to us. It is time to take personal responsibility for our part in it and bow to the feminine.

Let’s start with apologising and bowing to our mothers, wives, sisters, lovers, to our suppressed emotions, mistrusted intuition and feminine wisdom, overpowering feminine sexuality by making her come. Women also need to apologise for abusing and suppressing the feminine in men.

The feminine is the sacred waters in us and in nature. The feminine is the all embracing space of wisdom. She is the mother and the lover at the same time. By separating mother and lover energies, we separated love from sexuality. We go for love to a wife and for sex to a lover. We lost the special role of the sacred slut in a society. To bring Holy Mary and Mary Magdalene archetypes back together into the deep core of each human is the quest for the Holy Grail to call the power of the feminine back to our lives. Let her confuse our minds and take over our hearts. Let her finally rule our lives with our full trust and allowance. Let our tears run down the hills of our cheeks, allowing vulnerability of our hearts to birth through. The ego monster of knowing the answers needs to crack open by remembering what it truly is behind all this armour. A few drops of the tears of innocence on the dry shell is a good first step. Asking oneself, where did I fell down, disappointed myself and others, played safe and betrayed noble values like truth, honesty, friendship, love?

Together we created this global ego monster of capitalism and consumerism out of our lack of sight. We lost our ability to see clearly, x-raying reality to its core. We lost courage to confront naked truth when we see that the king that is naked is me and each one of us.

Feminine is in rage as her heart is full of pain and she bursts out with hot lava that flows down to destroy our stone covered hearts and allows new life to grow on the ashes of the old world.

Feminine is in rage as she can no longer stand the enslavement of the yoni of every woman and the amount of violence towards her sacred gateway made by women themselves and men as well. Disconnection and blindness is deep in us. It can be compared to the next generation of wild animals bred and born in a circus who will never know what freedom and fresh savanna means. Circus is all what they know as freedom.

Feminine is in rage because spirituality derived from patriarchy told us that sexuality is sinful and takes us away from God and is a destruction on the spiritual path. Indeed, attachment and following shallow pleasure without an open heart can create a lot of hurt and confusion. Though there are teachings showing us that passion and sexuality can open the way towards liberation and true freedom. Freedom that is not mine anymore, so that I can indulge more in “me, myself and I”, following my likes and dislikes. But freedom that opens the cage doors for all beings. Freedom that is based on self discipline and conscious restraining of ego impulses. Freedom that chooses to have less for myself and gain more by offering it to others. Free, responsible, including everyone good decisions that we grow up to instead of freedom of a spoiled child in a tantrum release and a satisfaction chase.    

Feminine is in rage because of us not being able to stand up for love, especially when personal sacrifice is needed or seeing deeply. We choose easy ways. We are attracted to people of our type, whatever it means, while love is beyond any type, box or preference. It does not matter for love if you like blond or brunette, slim or round bodies, with small or big breasts. She is in rage each time when you disguise your personal desire in a love coat to achieve what you want, fast gratification and satisfaction. She beheads when true beauty that shines inside is not recognised and not chosen over a flat cover and fake appearance. She is raging with each lip botox, plastic surgery, breast implants and labioplasty. We are conditioned to follow ego preferences not love. It is time to relearn the ways of attractions and find a deeper way of sexual and love relating.

I made a choice today as a part of growing up to what I have been becoming. The statement is that I do not belong to any man. I have been investigating many different ways of relating and sooner or later the moment was coming of trying of find out safety by restrictions that was always leading to killing the flame of love. I decided to stop doing that. I am committed to love moment by moment. I promised not to take an easy way out from challenging situations but instead stay, stand up for love and check what is true in this moment. I will not encage the feminine any more by making promises and allowing to be carried by my wounds and closing down as the result. I do not belong to any man and no man belongs to me. And yet, I am deeply committed to walk with people together who want to investigate and have enough courage to love, including the possible pain of breaking the heart so that light can shine though.

It is my personal response to the feminine roaring.

Estera Saraswati

April 16, 2019

Written in the sky over Zurich

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