I see how Tantra grows in the West when it is mixed with mainly shamanism and some therapy work. It definitely contributes to grow a more conscious and intimate life. It helps release shame and free the core of us humans, our sexual power and our life force energy, without which we are enslaved in a system of capitalist slavery and moral uptightness.

Yet, the essence of Tantra seems to be lost in the Western pursuit of pleasure. The fundament of which is compassion that arises from a deep insight into our true nature beyond personality and experience of basic goodness in every being. It effects in spaciousness and attracts an unbound approach to pleasure and sexuality. Nothing is pursued or repulsed as we understand the impermanent nature of all phenomena. We learn to transcend energy, transmute it and while riding waves of pleasure or any other energy, finally we take refuge in an empty, vast landscape of what we are, resting in the unknown.

It demands courage to surrender. What new tantric men have been mainly mastering is the ability to hold space for a woman to multi-orgasm and make her waters to flow and ejaculate with fountains of pleasure. It is an amazing ability indeed, and needed to free women’s power. Yet it creates some dangerous imbalance, pushing a woman into full surrender while a man stays on the safe shore of witnessing and “doing” stuff to make her come and open.

Dear Man, if you really want to consider yourself a Tantrika, then you need to jump and surrender to the mystery as well. Leave your safe bay of sexual activation and dearmouring tricks, stop pushing the right buttons, and focusing on unfreezing her vagina. Jump yourself as well! Fly high and deep with her. Do it together. Experience your power and vulnerability at the same time. Step out of your safe zone. Be willing to die… Not knowing what will happen next. 

I have noticed that men are also afraid to dive because of their insecurity about their own feminine. It is safer to stay in your masculine – hold presence, penetrate, be clear with what you want and don’t want, give direction etc. Though staying in one polarity will not really take you into the depth of the Tantra path yet. 

In traditional texts it is said that a normal man penetrates a woman with his energy while a Tantric yogi surrenders to the feminine and allows her energy to move through him. We dance together between all polarities.

To be whole humans, we need to embrace masculine and feminine alike inside of us. As we live in patriarchical times of immature, wounded masculine and feminine within us, we need to create a conscious space of healing for all of us. 

Please trust and take a risk to dive in together like there is no tomorrow with the intention that all beings can benefit from this connection, that is a once in a lifetime opportunity and will never happen again.

Respect women’s masculine , brothers!

You want to open her up and fuck her to God? You want to open her heart? Ask her first if this is what she deserves in this moment with you! Maybe she needs something else. Don’t put yourself on the superior position of the one who knows what a woman wants and needs. We are all so different. And it is also a huge burden to be an almighty man… You also may desire to be vulnerable and surrendering or tender and maybe her desire is to fuck you up to your own Goddess within! Check in first…

The heart is not a toy to play with

Tantric sexuality unrooted and taken out of its initial context, which is developing consciousness and active compassion to all sentient beings, can become a dangerous tool causing pain and suffering usually on women’s side. As far as I could observe on many tantric festivals and events, men put themselves in the position of the opener and women are subdued into being opened unconsensually. Riding flames of desire can burn unexperienced or lacking humility tantricas. We need a lot of consciousness, mutual communication and checking in with oneself and each other regarding what we are really doing now and where we are heading. Intention is most crucial on the Tantric path and generally it is always benefiting all. So what about relationship status, left behind beloved at home, your intentions for this connection, responsibility to practise safer sex etc.?

If a woman has the ability to surrender to her own energy, it will widely open up her heart and her whole being. If you put yourself in the position of a sexual healer or an opener, do you have enough awareness and skills to navigate this delicate yet powerful territory? Are you grounded enough to be sober in your own self-image and knowing where you lack it? Are you caring enough to create the right closing of a meeting or do you just disappear, heading to the next adventure, leaving the other person wide open?

We are energy beings with interconnected fields. All that we do influences everything. So let’s think about each other more, care more, be conscious of tantric pitfalls more. Some families and individuals can be hurt by our quest for “personal freedom and sexual exploration”. Check in, ask questions, find the common ground first before you act. 

We are powerful yet fragile. And our hearts are not a toy to play with. And even if you may say clearly you are not available for a relationship afterwards, do your energy and actions say the same? Or are you creating invisible promises in order to have a few more days of a pleasurable adventure? Are you aligned – your words, your actions, your energy? 

Are you aware enough of your possible shadow? There are many questions to consider before we step into the neb-tantra scene without hurting yourself and others. 

All that I described also relates to other gender dynamics. I was just referring to the most common one. 

Let’s build a conscious, juicy reality together where we care for each other! 

Let’s jump together

Estera Saraswati

4th of July 2019, Stockholm

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